COMIC RELIEF DAYS
1997 and 1999
Our red school
What happened to the cross-eyed teacher?
He couldn’t keep his pupils under control!
What do you call a young Viking with a sore throat?
A little Norse!
Why was the pharaoh so sad?
Because he couldn’t find his mummy!
Craig Omond
All set for fun
What’s grey, has four legs and weighs one and a half tons?
A fat mouse!
What should you do if a baby swallows your biro?
Use a pencil!
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
He had nobody to go with!
Mum: Come on John, eat your breakfast. You’ll be late for school!
John: I don’t want to go to school. The teachers don’t like me - even the
caretaker doesn’t like me!
Mum: All the same, you must go.
John: Why should I?
Mum: Well, for one thing you’re forty-five years old, and for another you’re the
headmaster!
How do you spell ‘hungry horse’ in four letters?
M T G G !
What do you get if you cross an owl with a skunk?
A bird that smells, but doesn’t give a hoot!
Please sir, I wish we lived in the olden days.
Why?
Then there wouldn’t be so much history to learn!
What happened to the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?
She had mittens!
Stephanie H.Jones
A red nose football team
What would you get if you crossed a highly skilled doctor with a plumber?
A drain surgeon!
Why did the teacher wear dark glasses?
Because she had bright pupils!
What do you do if an elephant sneezes?
Get out of the way!
Jodie Todd
What sort of ears does a train have?
Enginears!
Natalie Clark
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk!
Christopher Clark
What is round, white and lifts weights?
An extra strong mint!
What is green and furry on top and yellow underneath?
Last week’s custard!
How did the chicken fly without wings?
In an aeroplane!
How did the chicken with no legs cross the road?
It didn’t!
Nicola and Emma Jackson
Counting the coins
What did the policeman say to the
belly button?
You’re under a vest!
Chloe Palphramand
Doctor! Doctor! I think I’m a spoon!
Stay quiet and don’t stir yourself!
What would you get if a monster trod on
Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon!
What does a polite monster say?
Pleased to eat you!
What sort of lights did Noah’s ark have?
Flood lights!
What’s an ig?
An eskimo’s house without a toilet!
Mary had a little lamb,
He had a touch of colic
She gave him brandy twice a day
And now he’s alcoholic!
Waiter, waiter! This chicken’s
only got one leg!
Perhaps it’s been in a fight sir!
In that case, bring me the winner!
Who was the first underwater spy?
James Pond!
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe lend me a fiver!
Lance Jackson
When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
When you’re a mouse!
Christopher M. Y2
My budgie can lay square eggs!
Can it talk?
Yes, but it only says OW!
?
Christmas is coming??????
What’s the best music to listen to at Christmas?
Rapping!
What do you call a man who can’t stop clapping at Christmas?
Santapplause!
Where does Santa go on his Summer holidays?
Turkey!
Doctor! Doctor! I think I’m a Christmas cracker!
Pull the other one!
What did the fireman give his wife for Christmas?
A ladder in her stocking!
What is Timon and Pumba’s favourite Christmas carol?
Jungle Bells!
What do you call a reindeer who says ‘knickers’?
Rude-olph!
What’s Frank Bruno’s favourite day of the year?
Boxing Day!
What do you get if you cross a shark with Father Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
What did the burglar give his wife for Christmas?
A stole!
Christopher Clark
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it wanted to get to the other side!
?
Why aren’t elephant’s allowed on the beach?
Their trunks might fall down!
Mellissa Sharlotte
What is white, fluffy and smells of mint?
Polo Bear!
Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!
Sit down, I’ll deal with you later!
What’s a ghost’s favourite TV programme?
Horror-nation Street!
What’s a hedgehog’s favourite food?
Prickled onions!
What was the score when two ballerinas plated football?
Tu-tu!
Sarah Cawood
What is yellow with red spots?
A banana with the measles!
Hayley Simons
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Copyright © 2006 Anlaby Acre Heads Primary School
Last modified:
October 22, 2006
